Wandering Souls

The Wandering Souls inhabit the realm of Scarlet Crusade on the world of Azeroth. This motley band of disparate characters strive to improve their lot in life, or the afterlife (depending on whether you are an undead or not), and that of their guildmates.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Gone Fishing !!!

Hail: Dad, I thought you said we'd toast some gnomes!

Zhulu: Well, unfortunately, we haven't seen any gnomes on this trip. Besides, this Slitherskin Mackerel looks pretty tasty don't you think?

Tallon: It's all slimy, I'm not touching it!

Inspire: It's really healthy for you dear. However, I'm not sure your bat will care for it. Perhaps, we can look for some mushrooms tomorrow.

* crack *

Hail: What was that Dad?

Zhulu: Nothing, just an animal. I'm sure.

* Crack *

Tallon: I'm scared!

Zhulu: We're perfectly safe. We're in Tirisfal Glades for god's sake!

* CRACK! *

Inspire: The children are getting scared. Honey, maybe you should go check it out like a good strong warrior and let us know what it is?

* wump *

Zhulu: Uh...... But, I need to tend these broiling fish!

Inspire: It only takes cooking skill level one. I think I can manage just fine. Now, go see what it is!

With a look of chagrin and perhaps fright? No, perhaps he's just a little anxious about missing out on one of the fish. In any event, he collects his shield and axe and starts away from the warm cozy fire. His wife and kids offer him a proud but fearful look just before he vanishes into the foliage. Everything is quiet for a few minutes and then....

* crack, Wump, THUMP! AiYeeeeh! *

The scream rips through the dark night and then everything is deathly still!

Hail: Should we go after him, Mom?

Inspire: Absolutely not! Your father would not appreciate us attempting to steal aggro and besides... Now, we should have enough fish for all of us!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Fateful Flight

Now, you get to hear the rest of the story of how Dranlu and Gorkah managed to crown themselves as the King and Queen of Fashion awhile back. Now, the whole dastardly crime can be revealed, along with an explanation for the longtime absence of Atohne and Eatem. You see, their remains only recently washed up on the beaches of Stranglethorn. The scattered bones would have probably remained on the beach, if someone hadn’t seen the copyright carved into Atohne’s skull by her Undercity mortician. Through his masterful work, he again brought life or at least a stuttering, shambling and drooling mobility back to their sorry forms. It is truly unfortunate, that the statute of limitations has run out for this despicable crime, which by Azerothian Law is only punishable for as long as you can maintain aggro! And now to what transpired….


Atohne and Eatem file onto the airship preparing for its journey to Stranglethorn Vale and the upcoming Fashion Show. The ship is bustling with activity, as nearly all the contestants and judges for the show are on board for the fun-filled flight to the land down under. They glance about at the enormous stack of timber on the deck and the spit for the roast and then wander down below to see what food, drink and goodies are stored on board! The engines roar to life and the ship begins to pull away from the tower, gaining speed second by second.

Eatem: Did you listen to the flight safety instructions or look at the flight safety card that Hin Denberg gave us?

Atohne: Nah, I’ve heard it all a million times. Nobody pays attention to that stuff and besides, flying is the safest way to travel. The odds of an accident are a million to one.

Eatem: Yeh, as long as you don’t fly double on the bats or windriders. But, how come you never see any of the goblins actually getting on these blimps?

Atohne: You know, I’ve often wondered about that. However, I know they’ve got some kind of exclusive transportation system. A fellow named Scooty down in Booty Bay tried to show it to me once and he said I could use it, if I carried a Transponder around with me. I told him I had quite enough crap to carry around in my bags and refused his offer. Besides, it seems to work by deconstructing you at one end of the trip and reconstructing you at the other.

Eatem: Oh my! Well, I think we’ve already experienced our fair share of deconstruction and reconstruction and it was quite painful I might add.

Atohne: Yeh, my thoughts exactly.

Eatem: Did you look at the menu, Atohne?

Atohne: Yeh, I must say I’m truly surprised at what Gorkah and Dranlu have put into this specially chartered flight to the Fashion Show. This junket has got to be costing a fortune. Imagine, flying all the judges and most of the contestants in first class style all the way to Grom’Gol.

Eatem: I heard that Dranlu makes a ton of money with loot from those high-end instances. You know those places we’ve heard about, but will never see!

Atohne: Yeah, and Gorkah makes a killing, panhandling in Orgrimmar. She always puts on one of those Twill Robes after she’s rubbed a bunch of mud and grease on it. The orphanage lets her borrow one of their kids to sit in her lap and she gives them an ice cream if they whimper really loud. Who can help but give her half your money!

Eatem: Well, it’s worth it. Look at this stuff! We’ve got a dozen casks of the finest rumsey rum, and for appetizers, we can choose from the tasty Alterac or Dalaran cheeses, crackers and crab cakes. I’ve heard the main course is going to be roasted lamb. That’s why the wood is all stacked up in the middle of the deck. It’s gonna be awesome!

Atohne: The sheep must be in these boxes marked “Winghong’s Widgets”. See, they show a little picture of a sheep with streamers and flares shooting out from them. They must be bursting with flavor!

Eatem: Do you think anybody would notice if one of those little gnome waiters disappeared? Perhaps, we could toast one or two when they get the fire crackling! What’s up with that fire anyway? It’s been awhile since I read the safety rules, but I seem to remember that open flames on board are extremely hazardous.

Atohne: Hin Denberg told me that Gorkah and Dranlu provided a huge insurance policy and Dranlu helped prepare the airship. He’s shielded the balloon with some flarecore fabric that he learned to make after doing all that Molten Core stuff. However, it is surprising to me that it looks so much like simple linen. Go figure!

Eatem: Hey, check out these boxes of mechanical squirrels marked “Kiyo’s Kontraptions”!

Atohne: Supposedly, they’re to be given out as consolation prizes to the losers of the competition. However, there are an awful lot of them stacked up down here and I still feel a little nervous about squirrels. Andawan’s squirrel was cute and friendly, but I still have a hazy recollection of that one Kiyo made for me, exploding when we had that collision with the Scarlet Crusade tower as we approached the Undercity a few weeks ago.

Eatem: Let’s get upstairs. They should be getting ready to light the bonfire and we might be able to grab one of those gnomes and toast him while the others are getting ready to dish out the appetizers and rum!

Somewhere, far below, Gorkah and Dranlu are on a boat crossing the sea from Ratchet to Booty Bay. They stand quietly at the deck rail and watch the stars and moonlight in the dark night sky. Suddenly, a large fireball lights up the sea for hundreds of leagues and brings a huge grin to their faces. They clink glasses together and toast each other’s success in completing their master plan.

Dranlu: I wonder if the fishermen will find enough pieces of Atohne and Eatem to ever put them back together again?

Gorkah shrugs: Who knows or cares! We’re now the King and Queen of Fashion and after we collect the insurance money, I’ll have so many epics, nobody will dare touch me!