Wandering Souls

The Wandering Souls inhabit the realm of Scarlet Crusade on the world of Azeroth. This motley band of disparate characters strive to improve their lot in life, or the afterlife (depending on whether you are an undead or not), and that of their guildmates.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Momentous Day !!!

Chatty Orc: Did you hear the news today?

Smelly Tauren: I haven't heard anything at all today. My head has been stuck in a Morrowgrain feedbag all morning. What's up?

Toothy Troll looked at Chatty and winked: There's only one item from the Orgrimmar Orator that's worth repeating. So, I think I know what your news is.

Smelly: Come on guys, spill it! What happened?

Chatty: I can't believe you haven't heard. All Azeroth is buzzing!

Smelly, brandishing his large two-handed mace, gives Chatty an angry scowl: Come on already, out with it!

Chatty: Allright.. Alright..

He pauses for added weight...

Chatty: Atohne is 61 now. She has actually leveled!

Smelly: Get the *&$k out of here!

Chatty: It's true!

Smelly: Hah, if Atohne had leveled, the DING would have been so loud everybody's head in Azeroth would still be ringing!

Toothy: No, it's true. The news came across the Goblin's telegraph system almost immediately and people portalled out of Outland to spread the word to all the capitals of Azeroth!

Smelly: My god, I can't believe I missed the news.

Toothy: That must have been an especially large feedbag of crunchy morrowgrain.

Smelly let out a large rumbling belch: Aye.

Chatty: So, do you think there will be a big party or dance event?

Toothy: That'd be a great idea. At the rate Atohne is levelling, it might be next year before it happens again. Get a hold of Moneybags and see if he'll stop munching on donuts long enough to make some party arrangements. He should have enough dough to order some grub and booze. Oh and he should book the Hall of Heroes.

Smelly: Make sure he gets some gnomes to toast. Atohne loves them!

Chatty: So, do you think we'll start to see more of Atohne?

Smelly and Toothy bust out laughing: Not bloody likely... oh and let's hope not!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Atohne's Terrorific Transformation

Atohne: Muwhahaha {frown}
Atohne: heeheehee {scowl}
Atohne: Muwhahahaha {hmmm}
Atohne: Whooahahahaha {frown}
Atohne: heeeheeeheeeheee {shrug}

Eatem: What on Azeroth are you doing, Atohne?

Atohne: Practicing.

Eatem: Practicing what?

Atohne: Evilness!

Eatem: Evilness?

Atohne: Well, yeah! I've left my goody-two shoes past behind and I shall no longer be considered a healbot. I'm now a raging DPS'r. The mobs will melt before my super shadowy spellblasting! I'm just trying to practice the evil laugh that I will use to terrorize my victims before I melt their face.

Eatem: Let me hear it again.

Atohne: Should I try for the gruesome deep-throated laugh or the maniacal cackle?

Eatem: Whatever you're most comfortable with.

Atohne: Okay, here goes..... heeeeheeeehehehehe!

Eatem: My god, that's really painful to listen to. But, I think it'll work great on the mobs. Let's see you destroy something.

Atohne: Okay, I'll unload on that demon over there! I'll start off with a mindblast, apply shadow word pain, fear him and then melt his face while he runs around in a frenzied panic.

Eatem sits down and drinks one of her big tall glasses of crystal water and then snacks on a mana biscuit while Atohne starts blasting, paining, fearing and face melting. Eventually, the demon lies dead at Atohne's feet and she cackles maniacally causing Eatem to wince again from the annoying noise.

Atohne: I just love being able to actually kill stuff now! Pretty impressive, don't you think?

Eatem: Uh...uh...yeah, definitely. Just don't ask to duel me, please. {quivers dramatically}

Atohne: Okay, but just so I can get a comparison for how much better I'm doing now; Why don't you slay that demon over yonder.

Eatem: Well, alright. But, you do realize that even if you're faster and more deadly than I am. I'm still a long ways down the damage report from our guildmates who can lay waste to whole villages at once.

Atohne: Well, yeah. But, it will at least give me a feel for how much better I'm doing and what I need to strive for.

Eatem: Alright then.

Eatem strides over to within range of a demon and readies his staff. He concentrates his mental powers and begins to drool unconsciously on his robes. He then strikes with a single awesome fireblast of titanic proportion. The demon disappears instantly in towering flames and all that remains is a scattered pile of ashes. Atohne, in shocked disbelief fumbles in her bags, wondering if she still has that healing gear or if she's already dusted it. She gulps and her eyes tear up. Eatem shrugs and tries to console Atohne who appears ready to fling herself off the nearby cliff.

Eatem: Well, they usually don't die that quickly. But, I'm pretty sure I got a critical hit with that fireblast.

Atohne perks up a little.

Atohne: You know, at least I was able to retrieve the loot from my target.

Monday, September 18, 2006


Derewoprevo: So, Why does Atohne looks so happy today?

Jembai: I was wondering the same thing. She’s positively glowing, cheerful and affectionate. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in such a good mood.

Daxisil: I heard that Eatem rented the honeymoon suite down at the Inn in Booty Bay. You don’t suppose Atohne got lucky this weekend, do you?

Derewoprevo: They got that Fungal Rot thing cleared up?

Maalir: You don’t suppose, we’re going to have some new, little A&E’s running around in about nine months or so, do you?

Decaflame: I don’t think dead people can procreate, but hard to say what’s coming out in the expansion.

Ikavi: I’d be surprised if that salve they got from Apothecary Helbrim really worked. Honestly, how can some guy with just a little table at the Crossroads come up with sanitary, scientifically tested treatments?

Groot: Uh…Did you say Fungal Rot?

Karagi: Supposedly, it just affects the undead. But, you never can be too careful. I’d avoid any kind of intimate contact with them and I wouldn’t even shake Eatem’s hand. I’ve seen him skip the wash basins after using the public restrooms.

[ editor's note - reference to fungal rot problem originates w/ the following post: Table Dancer ]

Shaine: They must have had something wild planned this weekend. I saw them browsing through the wares down at the Sexy Seductruss in the Cleft of Shadow! I even saw Eatem pick up a bottle of new cologne. Troll Sweat #5, I think it was.

Decaflame: *Seductress

Gorkah: What’s with you and the spell checking thing lately, Deca?

Decaflame: It’s a new feature on CTmod. It’s pretty cool.

Gorkah: Spell Check. I saw that, but I thought it was something to do with Counterspells or Silence! Great! Something else to add to my lagginess!

Jodmos: My god! Somebody, pull Groot out of the fire, I think he’s nearly burnt his hand off!

Jembai: So, what were you doing at the Sexy Seductress, Shaine? Trying on some of those slinky negligees?

Shaine: Uh… No. I was just trying to find a Grimoire that Sissionach didn’t know already. That’s what I was doing. Besides, those fashion designers don’t give us Tauren females much consideration. All the glitz and glamour go into that stuff they make for the Trolls and Night Elves!

Kiyotimun: Personally, I think Atohne’s new attitude is because she just got back from one of her spa treatments.

Hilbertarina: Spa treatment?

Locksahn: Well, it’s actually done by her mortician. She gets fliers and discount coupons in the mail all the time, since she’s a preferred customer. They change out her embalming fluid and give her a facial every few months.

Gorkah: You’d think they’d spend a little extra mortician money on Eatem. See if they could do something about that slack jaw and constant drooling.

Shaine: You know, there is another reason Atohne might be so cheery. I sent her a prairie dog for her birthday!

Ikavi: To eat? God, she’ll eat anything. Including her friends!

Shaine: No, it’s a cute little pet. I was hoping she’d ditch the spider pet, I hate spiders and it’s been creeping me out!

A few minutes later, Atohne strolls up to the chatting group. Well actually, she appears to be skipping in a bouncy, almost night elf kind of way.

Atohne: So, what are you guys chatting about and why is Groot screaming?

Shaine: Uh.. Nothing!
Kaind: None of your business!
Maalir: The weather, we were talking about the weather. It’s really sunny today!

Atohne: The weather? It never changes here in Orgrimmar, it’s always sunny! You guys really oughta hang out in Thunder Bluff more often. Or the Undercity, at least it’s cooler! Hey, guess what I got on my birthday?

Locksahn: A rat?
Gorkah: Something slinky?
Kaind: Lucky?
Ikavi: New juice... er, embalming fluid?


And the crowd goes wild!

Maalir: Yeay!
Kaind: Thank god, I was so tired of doing THE EVENT in Blackrock Spire!
Ikavi: I really was getting sick of Dragonkin and especially Solakar Flamewreath.
Jodmos: Let’s Partay!
: *Party
Shaine: Somebody, gather up some fireworks and music cd’s while I go get a keg of rum!
Smokesteel: Wooot !

Sometime…much later!

Skall: Hey guys, I’m trying to collect some of my devout gear. Anybody know who has the devout mantle?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Without proper planning or preparation, Atohne and Eatem venture down to Silithus. A region strange, forbidding and extremely hostile to their delicate decomposing flesh!

Eatem: So, why did we come to this god-forsaken place?

Atohne: Don't complain. We are Forsaken, so maybe, we belong here. It was our destiny to come to this place! It was preordained by the fates!

Eatem: Oh, don't go all supernatural on me. We both know that it's because you finally figured out that we could start upgrading our gear before we had the full set put together! I'm just annoyed that you didn't ask somebody earlier. I mean seriously, we first saw those cool looking ghost-sucking machines, months ago. We even helped Locksahn suck up a few ghosties!

Atohne: Yeh, but nobody ever knows what Locksahn's doing or why he's doing it and why should I have to do all the asking? Why didn't you ask or better yet, look something up?

Eatem: Well... take a look at me. It may be my brain in this poor excuse of a body that used to be yours, but biologically, I'm a guy now. People can't see me asking for directions. It's... it's... WRONG!

Atohne shrugs and takes a swipe at a bug that is attempting to land on the back of Eatem's neck.

Eatem: I'm kind of glad we came down here. Did you see all the people standing around asking for help when we landed. Everybody has a task to work on and you did say you were getting a little tired of the plaguelands.

Atohne: Work, Work, Work! I'm tired of grinding and for what? A piece of felcloth here, an essence there. Besides, the plaguelands are quiet, comfortable and the surround sound is much more pleasurable to the senses. This place is dry, dusty, hot and what's with all the bugs? I REALLY hate bugs!

Eatem: Just thank the gods that we aren't Taurens, Did you see the bug clouds gathered around the Taurens at Cenarion Hold. Disgusting!

Atohne: The bugs are probably hoping that the Taurens will provide them with a cow pie or two.

Eatem: Speaking of bugs, you did bring some Raid, right?

Atohne: Yeah, I've got the latest and greatest stuff, which is version 1.539. There's a new one coming out, but it hasn't been released yet.

Eatem: Not that it matters, you never figured out how to use the last one. Seriously, you could read the instructions or warning labels once in awhile.

Atohne: Too much work, it's easier just to point, click a button and then see what happens. Come on Eatem, conjure up some water and let's start killing some bugs!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Gone Fishing !!!

Hail: Dad, I thought you said we'd toast some gnomes!

Zhulu: Well, unfortunately, we haven't seen any gnomes on this trip. Besides, this Slitherskin Mackerel looks pretty tasty don't you think?

Tallon: It's all slimy, I'm not touching it!

Inspire: It's really healthy for you dear. However, I'm not sure your bat will care for it. Perhaps, we can look for some mushrooms tomorrow.

* crack *

Hail: What was that Dad?

Zhulu: Nothing, just an animal. I'm sure.

* Crack *

Tallon: I'm scared!

Zhulu: We're perfectly safe. We're in Tirisfal Glades for god's sake!

* CRACK! *

Inspire: The children are getting scared. Honey, maybe you should go check it out like a good strong warrior and let us know what it is?

* wump *

Zhulu: Uh...... But, I need to tend these broiling fish!

Inspire: It only takes cooking skill level one. I think I can manage just fine. Now, go see what it is!

With a look of chagrin and perhaps fright? No, perhaps he's just a little anxious about missing out on one of the fish. In any event, he collects his shield and axe and starts away from the warm cozy fire. His wife and kids offer him a proud but fearful look just before he vanishes into the foliage. Everything is quiet for a few minutes and then....

* crack, Wump, THUMP! AiYeeeeh! *

The scream rips through the dark night and then everything is deathly still!

Hail: Should we go after him, Mom?

Inspire: Absolutely not! Your father would not appreciate us attempting to steal aggro and besides... Now, we should have enough fish for all of us!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Fateful Flight

Now, you get to hear the rest of the story of how Dranlu and Gorkah managed to crown themselves as the King and Queen of Fashion awhile back. Now, the whole dastardly crime can be revealed, along with an explanation for the longtime absence of Atohne and Eatem. You see, their remains only recently washed up on the beaches of Stranglethorn. The scattered bones would have probably remained on the beach, if someone hadn’t seen the copyright carved into Atohne’s skull by her Undercity mortician. Through his masterful work, he again brought life or at least a stuttering, shambling and drooling mobility back to their sorry forms. It is truly unfortunate, that the statute of limitations has run out for this despicable crime, which by Azerothian Law is only punishable for as long as you can maintain aggro! And now to what transpired….


Atohne and Eatem file onto the airship preparing for its journey to Stranglethorn Vale and the upcoming Fashion Show. The ship is bustling with activity, as nearly all the contestants and judges for the show are on board for the fun-filled flight to the land down under. They glance about at the enormous stack of timber on the deck and the spit for the roast and then wander down below to see what food, drink and goodies are stored on board! The engines roar to life and the ship begins to pull away from the tower, gaining speed second by second.

Eatem: Did you listen to the flight safety instructions or look at the flight safety card that Hin Denberg gave us?

Atohne: Nah, I’ve heard it all a million times. Nobody pays attention to that stuff and besides, flying is the safest way to travel. The odds of an accident are a million to one.

Eatem: Yeh, as long as you don’t fly double on the bats or windriders. But, how come you never see any of the goblins actually getting on these blimps?

Atohne: You know, I’ve often wondered about that. However, I know they’ve got some kind of exclusive transportation system. A fellow named Scooty down in Booty Bay tried to show it to me once and he said I could use it, if I carried a Transponder around with me. I told him I had quite enough crap to carry around in my bags and refused his offer. Besides, it seems to work by deconstructing you at one end of the trip and reconstructing you at the other.

Eatem: Oh my! Well, I think we’ve already experienced our fair share of deconstruction and reconstruction and it was quite painful I might add.

Atohne: Yeh, my thoughts exactly.

Eatem: Did you look at the menu, Atohne?

Atohne: Yeh, I must say I’m truly surprised at what Gorkah and Dranlu have put into this specially chartered flight to the Fashion Show. This junket has got to be costing a fortune. Imagine, flying all the judges and most of the contestants in first class style all the way to Grom’Gol.

Eatem: I heard that Dranlu makes a ton of money with loot from those high-end instances. You know those places we’ve heard about, but will never see!

Atohne: Yeah, and Gorkah makes a killing, panhandling in Orgrimmar. She always puts on one of those Twill Robes after she’s rubbed a bunch of mud and grease on it. The orphanage lets her borrow one of their kids to sit in her lap and she gives them an ice cream if they whimper really loud. Who can help but give her half your money!

Eatem: Well, it’s worth it. Look at this stuff! We’ve got a dozen casks of the finest rumsey rum, and for appetizers, we can choose from the tasty Alterac or Dalaran cheeses, crackers and crab cakes. I’ve heard the main course is going to be roasted lamb. That’s why the wood is all stacked up in the middle of the deck. It’s gonna be awesome!

Atohne: The sheep must be in these boxes marked “Winghong’s Widgets”. See, they show a little picture of a sheep with streamers and flares shooting out from them. They must be bursting with flavor!

Eatem: Do you think anybody would notice if one of those little gnome waiters disappeared? Perhaps, we could toast one or two when they get the fire crackling! What’s up with that fire anyway? It’s been awhile since I read the safety rules, but I seem to remember that open flames on board are extremely hazardous.

Atohne: Hin Denberg told me that Gorkah and Dranlu provided a huge insurance policy and Dranlu helped prepare the airship. He’s shielded the balloon with some flarecore fabric that he learned to make after doing all that Molten Core stuff. However, it is surprising to me that it looks so much like simple linen. Go figure!

Eatem: Hey, check out these boxes of mechanical squirrels marked “Kiyo’s Kontraptions”!

Atohne: Supposedly, they’re to be given out as consolation prizes to the losers of the competition. However, there are an awful lot of them stacked up down here and I still feel a little nervous about squirrels. Andawan’s squirrel was cute and friendly, but I still have a hazy recollection of that one Kiyo made for me, exploding when we had that collision with the Scarlet Crusade tower as we approached the Undercity a few weeks ago.

Eatem: Let’s get upstairs. They should be getting ready to light the bonfire and we might be able to grab one of those gnomes and toast him while the others are getting ready to dish out the appetizers and rum!

Somewhere, far below, Gorkah and Dranlu are on a boat crossing the sea from Ratchet to Booty Bay. They stand quietly at the deck rail and watch the stars and moonlight in the dark night sky. Suddenly, a large fireball lights up the sea for hundreds of leagues and brings a huge grin to their faces. They clink glasses together and toast each other’s success in completing their master plan.

Dranlu: I wonder if the fishermen will find enough pieces of Atohne and Eatem to ever put them back together again?

Gorkah shrugs: Who knows or cares! We’re now the King and Queen of Fashion and after we collect the insurance money, I’ll have so many epics, nobody will dare touch me!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Raid Leadership?

Atohne: Eatem, what made you decide to lead a raid group?

Eatem: Watching Gorkah lead one our guild raids in UBRS has inspired me. I think I should challenge myself more.

Atohne: So, where did you pick this group up at?

Eatem: Oh, they’re members of a new raid organization I’ve joined called Raid_Rejects. It’s an elite cadre of individuals that are too good to belong to other raid groups, as they tend to make everybody else feel inferior.

Atohne: Maybe, that’s because they actually tell everybody else that they are inferior! So, why did they let you join the group; let alone actually lead a raid group?

Eatem: Well, I had to cough up quite a bit of our gold! But, it seemed like a good use for it. Who needs epic mounts anyway? Do you really needs to save ten seconds on the run from Kargath to the entrance into Black Rock Spire when you have to wait 15 minutes for Korne to actually complete the leap onto the balcony?

Atohne: You gave them our GOLD? So is this group, the best they’ve got?

Eatem: Well, I’m really not sure about that. However, the leader of Raid_Rejects told me that these guys won’t get excited over a few accidental wipes.

Atohne: They really don’t look like they get excited about anything.

Eatem: I’m just glad that they’re paying attention while I explain our strategy and plan of attack!

Atohne: Seems like a waste of time to me, we’ve been in here a hundred times. Let’s just go kill something!